buying a car.
salesperson:
“it’s £30,000.”
you: “i can only afford £25,000.”
salesperson: “absolutely impossible.”
you: “okay.”
then shut up.
this is where something magical happens.
silence.
humans hate silence.
we fill it.
salesperson: “i might be able to speak to my manager.”
of course you can.
your manager is fourteen feet away eating a sausage roll.
off you pop.
the point here isn’t whether you get the car for 25 large, it’s that you don’t have to negotiate purely on price.
“okay, if you can’t move on the price, can you include servicing?”
“what about the warranty?”
“can you upgrade the wheels?”
“can you put a full tank of fuel in it? or some charging credits for leccy vehicles.”
suddenly a deal that couldn’t possibly be changed.
is changing.
because almost everything is negotiable.
hotels.
“how much is the room?”
“£220.”
“does that include breakfast?”
“no.”
“could it?”
pause.
silence.
“yes.”
there it is.
£30 saved.
approximately four pints of lager.
or, based on my recent experiences in london, possibly one.
relationships.
“shall we watch this?”
“it’s three hours long.”
“it’s supposed to be brilliant.”
“it’s got subtitles.”
“so?”
“i don’t want to read the television.”
eventually a deal is struck.
one person watches the film.
the other falls asleep after eleven minutes.
sound familiar?
work.
someone asks:
“can you get this done by friday?”
most of us instinctively say:
“yes.”
and then spend thursday very much under pressure.
negotiation might simply be:
“i can absolutely do it, but to do it properly i need until monday. if friday is essential, which part would you like me to prioritise?”
that’s negotiation.
you’re not saying no.
you’re establishing what’s important.
and that, i think, is the bit people miss.
negotiation isn’t confrontation.
it isn’t being difficult.
it isn’t trying to tie someone down on price.
and it definitely isn’t shouting louder.
it’s curiosity.
why does the other person want what they want?
because sometimes the thing you’re arguing about isn’t actually the thing that matters.
imagine i’m selling you a table for £500.
you offer £400.
i say £475.
you say £425.
we eventually settle at £450.
classic negotiation.
except perhaps i don’t actually care that much about the extra £50.
what i really need is the flipping table gone by saturday because my new one is arriving and the management have informed me, that we are not living in a furniture warehouse.
so perhaps you say:
“i’ll give you £425 and collect it tonight.”
sold.
you got a cheaper table.
i got my lounge back.
the management are happy.
the nation rejoices.
everybody wins.
and this is the lesson that took me years to properly understand:
price is only one currency.
time is a currency.
convenience is a currency.
certainty is a currency.
relationships are a currency.
speed is a currency.
risk is a currency.
and sometimes a sausage roll is a currency.
everything depends on how hungry you are.
my mate kris recently told me ‘sell the sizzle not the sausage’ which i loved, and i recently told my other mate angie this, and she said she agreed, and added ‘it’s the onions that sell the hotdog’
shakespearian, i think.
now, i’ve negotiated business deals.
i’ve negotiated property deals.
i’ve negotiated purchases.
i’ve negotiated with suppliers.
i’ve negotiated with my children.
i’ve negotiated with people supporting bigmoose.
and, probably most unsuccessfully of all, i’ve negotiated with myself at 5am when my alarm goes off.
“get up.”
“five more minutes.”
“you’ve got a blog to write.”
“ten.”
“coffee?”
“deal.”
and here i am.
the other thing i’ve learned is that the person prepared to walk away has enormous power.
this doesn’t mean theatrically storming out of currys because they won’t knock £20 off a television.
“you’ve lost my business!”
nobody cares jeff.
it means understanding beforehand what a good outcome looks like and what you’re prepared to accept.
if the deal isn’t right, don’t do the deal.
and there’s another thing i’ve learned.
don’t be frightened of asking.
years ago i used to worry that asking for something might offend somebody.
now?
i ask.
politely.
respectfully.
with a smile.
because the absolute worst thing that can happen is someone says no.
and strangely, they very rarely punch you in the face.
which is reassuring.
“could you possibly upgrade us?”
“no, i’m afraid not.”
still alive.
“could you possibly do a better price?”
“no, i’m afraid not.”
pulse present.
“would you consider supporting our charity?”
“no, i’m afraid not, we already have a charity of the year.”
no physical injuries whatsoever.
and occasionally…
“yes.”
that’s the magic.
because if you don’t ask, you’ve negotiated against yourself before the negotiation has even started.
and i wonder how many opportunities we all lose because we’re too embarrassed to ask?
the better hotel room.
the cheaper deal.
the later checkout.
the sponsorship.
the introduction.
the opportunity.
the extra sausage.
actually, especially the extra sausage.
so my thought for this morning is this.
learn to negotiate.
learn to understand people.
listen more.
ask better questions.
discover what actually matters.
don’t be frightened of silence.
don’t be frightened of “no”.
and try to find the deal where everybody walks away smiling.
because after more than six decades negotiating my way through this weird and wonderful adventure called life, i’ve realised something.
life itself is one enormous negotiation.
with our families.
our colleagues.
our customers.
our friends.
and ourselves.
although there is one negotiation i have finally accepted i will never win.
“do we really need all these cushions on the bed?”
apparently we do.
negotiations have concluded.
have a brilliant weekend, see you in scotland.
blue skies,
jeff
p.s. if anybody has successfully negotiated the removal of decorative cushions from a bed, please email me immediately. i am prepared to pay.
p.p.s. this week we had our 170th life saved, thank you for helping us achieve this, x
