the worst kind of pain – kidney transplant- how babies are born

when tiffany ceri smith was born my life changed forever, for the good.

i never realised how much love i had inside me.

tania and i adored our first child who arrived in 1991 just as operation desert storm was playing out on the hospital ward tv’s, “we’re attacking iraq” one of the nurses informed us just as tania, high on gas and air, and numb from the epidural, saw her leg involuntarily fall off the hospital bed.

she giggled, the drugs had made her regress which was hilarious to watch.

i lifted the limp leg back on the bed as she patted me on the head.

“fanks, i can’t feel anything” she giggled again.

24 hours of labour, two bottles of gas and t.c. was still waiting to emerge.

but when she did, the wait was worth it, we were so happy, and absolutely loved being parents, from the get go, definitely the highlight of my life.

so when three years later tania’s waters broke, we headed toward the heath hospital, both of us nervous.

not of the birth, but we both had genuine concerns of how we could love another child as much as we loved tiffany, we adored her.

as tania settled into her room, it became obvious that this was going to be a swifter delivery.

a couple of the nurses were ice hockey fans, and we were chatting all things cardiff devils, and i remember seeing tania shaking her head, saying “everywhere we go”.

it wasn’t too long before chloe rhian smith was to warm up for her emergence on stage, and one of the hockey nurses turned to me and asked, “would you like to deliver the baby?”

a question i had never heard or expected, but i quickly computed the pluses and minuses, and replied “i would love to” as tania and my eyes met, very much in a wtf way.

i scrubbed up, adorned my blue fresh smelling scrubs, and assumed the role of very serious baby deliverer, my biggest fear being i dropped the baby after delivering it, i breathed very deeply, here we go.

we all know how babies are born, so i’ll save you the graphics, but as the head emerged it was magical.

“get ready” my new birthing mentor advised, and on october 15th 1994 i delivered our second baby girl, and any fears of not having enough love for two, melted away immediately, and as we three laid together i had never felt happier.

this week we got the news that my baby is going to have her kidney transplant on october 6th, which puts her one step closer to having a better life.

one step closer to not living a life full of pain, as her body literally shuts down due to her kidney function being at 15%

one step closer to having the chance to extend her own family, which has been out of her control due to the kidney failure, a natural right that nobody should have taken away.

chloe is still my baby, and as anybody can imagine seeing your baby suffering, is the worst kind of pain.

we have shared the last 30 years, growing together, and her strength and courage are formidable.

declining the opportunity to play mary, aged three, in the nativity play at nursery, because she didn’t want to wear the blue dress.

climbing mount kilimanjaro aged 15, and being so dehydrated and tired i literally thought we were going to lose her, but digging deep to become the first in our group to summit, and forever being my kili partner.

taking a builder who was being gender disrespectful on our coffee shop building site, outside to give him a one to one dressing down, aged 22.

and being my bigmoose partner, through thick and thin, growing a dream into a reality, helping over 4500 people with free therapy, saving 113 people from suicide.

all reasons for me to be proud of her, but i can’t wait for the next chapter of her life, to be pain free, and watch her blossom.

stay strong kp,

love dad