trigger warning, i talk about suicide today
as i walked hand in hand with a very pregnant tania into the university hospital of wales thirty years ago, my only fear was whether we could love another child as much as we loved tiffany.
it was a real concern for us both.
we loved tiffany so much, that we just didn’t know if we had enough love to give our second child.
as the midwife asked me if i would like to help deliver the baby i said yes enthusiastically, proceeding to put on my blue gown, that smelled hospital fresh.
i scrubbed my hands, and helped the midwife deliver our new baby, chloe, cutting the umbilical cord, and never again worrying about having enough love for both our girls.
now tiffany has brought betty and otto into our world we have found more of this extreme immeasurable love that we have for our children and now grandchildren, such is the bond.
yesterday, we had two parents come to visit bigmoose hq who have lost their son to suicide, and understandably it was an extremely emotional meeting, which i struggled not to cry in, especially as i played out how much i love my family.
the mum walked in, a very elegant lady, wearing a red dress, with her naturally silver shoulder length hair, framing her warm smiling face.
i noticed her hair was cut very well.
dad was equally warm in his greeting, shaking hands, and placing his second hand on top of our two already shaking hands, which spoke to me.
that small action said “we’re glad we’re here, we’re glad we’ve found you.”
they had lost their son earlier this year, and the rawness as they told chloe and i the story of their loss was palpable, and mum struggled to speak through her tears.
out of respect to them, i will not discuss details, but the pain they were in was so very, very sad to watch and listen to.
and as a parent and a grandparent, i struggled with imagining losing a child in this way.
as they spoke in depth, it felt like they wanted to use their story to help others, and create a positive legacy, and we discussed how bigmoose could help, and we have offered to put on a suicide prevention course for their sons community, and connect anybody they know that needs help to our team of therapists, who are trained in grief therapy, so we can offer immediate help, but hopefully build a relationship that serves to help others as we move forward on building our new friendship.
and as i write this i am reminded of what i learnt on the suicide prevention course i attended, about asking questions.
so.
if you are reading this and are having dark thoughts and need help, please reach out, either to me at jeff@bigmoose.co or call me on 07977585548, or contact us confidentially on the link below, there is hope, please never ever give up.
